I\'ve discovered some \"weird\" things about how UITableViews / UIScrollViews scroll in Objective-C for iOS after you\'ve lifted your fin
So this answer was obtained via a snarky but brilliant user on the #iphonedev IRC channel!
From within scrollViewWillEndDragging:withVelocity:targetContentOffset: you can just re-set the targetContentOffset to whatever you desire via *targetContentOffset = newTargetOffset;! Incredibly simple and elegant.
My mistake was trying to call [scrollview setContentOffset:newTargetOffset animated:YES] from within scrollViewWillEndDragging:withVelocity:targetContentOffset:, which didn't work at all, and therefore I set out to "solve" my problem in a more convoluted way that also didn't work at all.