This is a weird problem and I\'m not sure what\'s going on. I installed MySQL on a linux box I have running Ubuntu 10.04 LTS. I can access mysql via SSH mysql -p
For me, this problem occurred on an Ubuntu box only accessible on our internal net (though I think this solution applies regardless of the network). I was able to access mysql perfectly well with mysql Workshop and with Node.js mysql plugin from my dev system but not from Node running on the server.
In particular, I tried localhost, 127.0.0.1 or even 'serverName', which was defined as 127... in /etc/hosts. I got nothing but ECONNREFUSED.
Turns out that my mysql instance was set to only accept connections addressed to the server's IP address. That is, it would only accept connections from
{host:'172.xxx.xxx.xxx', user:'blah', ....
Good luck!!