for me, none of the approaches are work if you don't have "_id" (Primary Key)
you should first call update, if the affected rows are zero, then insert it with ignore:
String selection = MessageDetailTable.SMS_ID+" =?";
String[] selectionArgs = new String[] { String.valueOf(md.getSmsId())};
int affectedRows = db.update(MessageDetailTable.TABLE_NAME, values, selection,selectionArgs);
if(affectedRows<=0) {
long id = db.insertWithOnConflict(MessageDetailTable.TABLE_NAME, null, values, SQLiteDatabase.CONFLICT_IGNORE);
}