The contract of equals with regards to null, is as follows:
For any non-null reference value
x,x.equals(null)sho
There are many common situations where null is not in any way exceptional, e.g. it may simply represent the (non-exceptional) case where a key has no value, or otherwise stand for “nothing”. Hence, doing x.equals(y) with an unknown y is also quite common, and having to always check for null first would be just wasted effort.
As for why null.equals(y) is different, it is a programming error to call any instance method on a null reference in Java, and therefore worthy of an exception. The ordering of x and y in x.equals(y) should be chosen such that x is known to not be null. I would argue that in almost all cases this reordering can be done based on what is known about the objects beforehand (e.g., from their origin, or by checking against null for other method calls).
Meanwhile if both objects are of unknown “nullness”, then other code almost certainly requires checking at least one of them, or not much can be done with the object without risking the NullPointerException.
And since this is the way it is specified, it is a programming error to break the contract and raise an exception for a null argument to equals. And if you consider the alternative of requiring an exception to be thrown, then every implementation of equals would have to make a special case of it, and every call to equals with any potentially null object would have to check before calling.
It could have been specified differently (i.e., the precondition of equals would require the argument to be non-null), so this is not to say that your argumentation is invalid, but the current specification makes for a simpler and more practical programming language.