http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Upsert
Insert Update stored proc on SQL Server
Is there some clever way to do this in SQLite that I have not thought of?
From the documentation:
UPSERT is a special syntax addition to INSERT that causes the INSERT to behave as an UPDATE or a no-op if the INSERT would violate a uniqueness constraint. UPSERT is not standard SQL. UPSERT in SQLite follows the syntax established by PostgreSQL. UPSERT syntax was added to SQLite with version 3.24.0 (pending).
An UPSERT is an ordinary INSERT statement that is followed by the special ON CONFLICT clause
Image source: https://www.sqlite.org/images/syntax/upsert-clause.gif