I have a Grails application, built to a war file (~30mb). When I attempt to deploy the war file on Tomcat 6 via the application manager, it takes upwards of 10 minutes to deploy
As noted I would copy the war to the webapps folder and let tomcat do the deployment, its also quicker saving you time.
Both Tomcat and Jetty will support a hot deploy. They simply monitor the deploy directory for changes, so you can just copy the .war file into that directory, and the server will undeploy/redeploy.
If using a remote server check the lag is not the time take to upload the war to a remote server over the network.